Calling All Famous People
There is annoying practice that all department stores do that is termed the call sheet.
A call sheet is usually a columned sheet of paper.
In the first column the name of the customer is written.
In the second column the salesperson writes down the email and/or phone number of the customer they are going to contact.
In the third column the salesperson writes down exactly how they attempted to contacted the customer.
In the fourth column the salesperson writes whether they left a message on their phone or were they able to talk to them directly Or if by email salesperson would write down if they contacted back or not. In the case that they communicated with the sales- person, they were suppose to write what they said.
Yeah I know…the whole thing seem weird and redundant.
The call sheet was done for every freakin’ event and every occasion. It was done for clearance time, Christmas shopping, store anniversary celebration, Valentines Day, double points day, triple points day and etc.
I will say that a call sheet is a good way to drive business. However, in a certain department store I worked at, they abused the call sheet method. Sometimes it seemed that they were handing us a call sheet every week.
I don’t know about you…but when I’m at home I want to relax and unwind. I don’t like it when people call me for the sole reason of trying to get my business. And I don’t like it when businesses clog my email with their business promotions. I do however will still read a hand written letter from a salesperson. That’s because I feel obligated to read the letter when a salesperson took time out of their life to compose a letter.
To All of the CEOs Than Run a Chain of Department Stores
Read This:
Imagine if you were customer and almost every week you were getting bombarded with calls and emails by salespeople that worked in this various departments of a store. Wouldn’t that become annoying? Would that tick you off after awhile? Well then if the answer is yes… stop it!
Back to That Department Store that was founded in Dallas
After one time when an angry customer told that I was the seventh salesperson to call them, I decided that would never random call a bunch of customers again.
I would only call the customers with which I had bonded. And I would only fill out a call sheet about three times a year. Least that was the plan until the new corporate rule.
In my first three years at this department store the HR and management frown on those who didn’t turn in a call list. But then one day all of the employees of this store were called to a morning meeting. In that meeting the store manager who had I all of the charm of three day road kill to us about a new company rule. He told us that any salesperson that didn’t fill a call list over three times would be fired. And it didn’t matter how long you had been there or how much you sold. The veteran salespeople who were under the delusions that company couldn’t survive without them protested. They really thought that their customers would actually stopping if they left the company. Most customers are like most salespeople, they only think about themselves.
Against the protest of the veterans the store manager told them that they could leave if they didn’t like the new rule. Quickly the protest turned into a low sounding grumble.
To take out this sting of this rule the store manager later on came up with a game in which salespeople could make some money with the call sheet. It was simple:
1. Fill out a call sheet
2. Take the call sheet to secretary in general office.
3. Draw a card from a poker deck and received money based on the value of the card.
Example: Draw Jack of Spades, get 10 dollars.
At the end of the memo about the game the store manager state that he and the general secretary would be checking the customers names, phone numbers and/or email to make sure that they were legit. Lastly he stated that if any of the names or other information was false, that employee would be fired.
I knew that last partly of the memo was a hollow threat. He and the general secretary were far too busy with other matters to verifying the info on 300 hundred employees. All she would do is scan the call sheet and them to make sure they were completely filled. She would then put a check on the employees that filled out theirs.
To keep my job and to make some money I came up with a simple plan concerning the call sheet. Cheat.
Right away I had three factors on my side that would make my plan to cheat the system easily:
The general secretary was a lady that liked me. I was always making her laugh.
The general secretary was not the bright coin in the fountain. Awesome
Being a sick child I couldn’t go outside and play. And because of my confinement in doors, I filled those hours with reading. By the age of fourteen I had reading about 1,500 books and had gone through my encyclopedias at least 200 times. Most of the 1,500 books were about history, science, art and literature. Yes I am a nerd.
So with these factors my plan was to use the names of famous women in my call sheet. Of course the emails and phone numbers would total fabrication.
On first call sheet I got my feet wet in my game of chicanery. While half the names were famous women the other half of the list were real customers.
Just before I was about to go upstairs to the general secretary I decided to show my call sheet to , Pot Guy, Tall Nigerian, Snooty Guy and Great Sister. I knew that they wouldn’t narc on me. I also knew that they had filled out their call sheets with bogus names, they just didn’t use the names of famous people.
Those salespeople that I was showing my call sheet to were well educated people.
As pointed to the my call sheet Pot Guy laughed. He then said, “Are you kidding me? The secretary will see some of those names. And not only will you won’t be able to pull a card from the deck, you’ll probably get fired. I wouldn’t do it.”
Snooty guy chuckled and said, Yeah, I wouldn’t do that Tim. I mean it’s funny but I wouldn’t do it.”
Great sister came to my defense, “Guys, if there one person that could pull this off, it would be Tim.”
Tall Nigerian put his two cents in the conversation, “There is no way he could take that call sheet upstairs and not get caught.”
Confidently smiling I turned to Tall Nigerian and asked, “You want to bet on that sunshine?”
Tall Nigerian gave be a quick frown and then he started to chuckle. Then putting on a stern look on his face he asked, “How much?”
I replied, “Three bucks.”
Pointing to my chest he nodded, “You’re on.”
We then shook on it.
Pot Guy then said, “I wanna’ piece of this action.”
Turning to him I said, “Three bucks.”
Great sister then added, “What the hell. I’m going to bet that Tim won’t get caught.
Smiling she gleamed out, “Cool!”
Snooty Guy the said, “This sounds like some fun. Put me down for three.”
I asked him, “For what side?”
“That you get caught. Nothing personal.”
“Not offended,” I smiled. “And promise I’ll run a fair game.”
Pot guy asked, “How fair of a game?”
I replied, “I promise that I will hand this call sheet to her. I won’t just set on her desk.”
Hesitantly he said, “Okay.”
Great Sister said to Pot Guy, “Don’t worry he’ll keep it honest.”
Pot Guy said nothing.
My First Call Sheet
This is the names of famous people I mixed into the call sheet with my real customer. A call sheet had twenty spaces for names. As a theme I chose famous women activists
Margaret Sanger
Emma Goldsmith
Eleanor Roosevelt
Susan B. Anthony
Gloria Steinem
Jane Addams
Rosa Parks
Florence Nightingale
Coretta Scott King
Harriet Tubman
Going up stairs I went into the executive office and stood in front of the secretary. She was blonde attractive women who about 5.5. After making her laugh with some small talk I handed her the call sheet.
For about five seconds she scanned the my call sheet. She then looked up at me said, “Okay, thank you for filling out a call sheet. Go ahead draw from the deck.
Picking up a card from the top of the deck, I drew a seven of hearts.
I then showed it to her.
With a grin of enthusiasm she said, “Alright! You get seven dollars!”
Pulling the top drawer of her desk she produced a wade containing of ones, fives, and tens.
Taking the money I said, “Thank you.”
She said chimed, “Thank you! Be sure to fill out another call sheet so you can win some more money!”
Smiling I nodded, “I will.”
Ten feet away from the door of the office I muttered, “public school.”
As if I was a dog with its killed I took the seven dollars and held it in the faces of my naysayer’s.
Snooty guy laughed. Pot guys was in disbelieve. Tall Nigerian was disgust. They all paid out three dollars to me and Great Sister.
The day after my victory I approached the four salespeople which I had waged a bet. The bet was pretty much the same except with one change that made the dynamic of the bet more dicey. I wouldn’t list any real clients And all twenty spaces would be dedicated to famous women scientist.
After thinking about it the naysayer’s agreed to the bet. While Great sister who believed that I could somehow get away with sided with me.
Again after showing the call sheet to my fellow wagers, I took it up stairs to secretary. This time she glance at for about ten seconds. I thought I was caught. But then to my relief she nodded and said, “Okay looks good! Go ahead and pull from the deck. I drew aces of spades. She cheered and then I collected eleven dollars.
As I walked away from the office door I muttered, “Damn, this country is in trouble.”
After showing them my eleven dollars they paid out nine dollars to men and Great Sister.
They were so pissed.
At lunch I and Great sister went to one of the better restaurants in the mall. In the middle of the lunch she asked me, “So…what are you going to do next.”
I answered, “I really don’t know.”
Here were the names on the second call sheet
Famous Women Leaders, Politicians, Rulers and First Ladies
Margaret Thatcher
Eva Peron
Golda Meir
Imelda Marcos
Barbara Jordan
Ann Richards
Catherine the Great
Betty Ford
Indira Gandhi
Nancy Astor
Marie Antoinette
Geraldine Ferraro
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Dianne Feinstein
Corazon Aquino
Abigail Adams
Jeane Kirkpatrick
Mary Robinson
Jennie Jerome Churchill
Mary Todd Lincoln
Seriously
The next morning I offered another wager. I said that this my theme for all twenty spaces on the call sheet would be famous women of literature.
Tall Nigerian and Pot Guy nodded in agreement
But then, Snooty Guy through a wrench into my easily plan of making money.
“Not so fast,” said Snooty Guy. “This needs to be a lot harder.”
Nervously I said, “O-kay. What do you have in mind?”
He said, In ten places on the fourth column you will write that you contacted them and write down something funny that pertains to their life or something that they wrote. And you have to do it here at the store. You can’t go home and do it. And you have to finish it by the end your lunch break
I asked, “But still the names on the call sheet all has to be famous authors.
“Yes. I thought I would give you a little bit of a break.”
“Thank you.”
Snooty guy then said, “And instead of three dollars, let’s make five dollars.
I replied, “That’s cool
He then looked at Tall Nigerian, Pot Guy and Great Sister, “And said, “Is everybody on board with this wager.
Almost in unison they said, “Yes.”
Great Sister said, “I’m going to bet in favor of Tim. I think he will pulled it off again.
Pot chimed in, “I wouldn’t bet on it.”
Turning to him we all looked at him with squinted eyes.
In my mind I said to myself, “Oh Lord. This is not going to go well.
Lunch Rush
At lunch in a café that was in the store, I quickly ate my usual meal. I then pulled out a blank piece of paper and began to brainstorm like I have never done before.
Just minutes before I was to clock back in, buy some miracle I had come up with twenty women authors and ten good punch lines from the forth column.
After Snooty Guy and the rest of the wagers laughed at the punch lines I then preceded to take the call sheet up stairs.
After making the secretary with some small talk, with smile on face I handed the call sheet to her.
But instead of glancing at the call sheet for five or ten seconds the secretary started carefully read every name, phone number and/or email on the sheet. And even scarier she was reading the comments in the fourth column. I had been half expecting to get caught, so incase this did happen I had made a back up call sheet with a true list of my customers.
If caught, I would simply say that the present list she was reading was a joke and then I would hand her the other call sheet.
Suddenly the secretary looked up at me. Her eyes were big. I thought to myself, busted.
She exclaimed, “Well that’s just rude!”
Puzzled my right eyebrow shot up into my forehead.
She asked, “Did she really say that to you?”
Stuttering a little, I then asked, “Uh which, which one are you talking about dear?”
She answered, “The one that told you that frankly she doesn’t give a damn?
Why wouldn’t any not want to take advantage of our double rewards program?”
They could save so much money.”
“I don’t know why,” I replied. “But rumor has it that she has gone off her meds.”
With a wide mouth she said, “Ooooh! I-I see.”
Drawing an five of clubs I left the office.
Here What I Wrote on the Third Call Sheet
Louisa May Alcott
Virginia Wolf Comment: Went Swimming
Agatha Christie
Jane Austen Comment: Busy making observations of 19th century middle class in Great Britain.
Beatrix Potter
Helen Keller Comment: Wouldn’t pick up the damn phone!
Anne Rice
Elizabeth Browning Comment: Didn’t really understand her. Something about counting something.
! 
